I’m not quite sure of the circumstances that led to the current situation but I’m sure you can be a little teeny tiny bit more mature about how to handle the matter. Being friends with me does not reflect your relationship/friendship with another person.

1. Ran into my old JCP boss at Target. She asks the typical how are you bullshit and has the nerve to ask if I have a job. NO I do not have a fucking job because you decided to let me go after the season and finding another job is a difficult fucking task. After telling her I don’t have a job, she tells me I should re-apply to JCP and work in the same department. Fuck no I do not want to work in the worst department retail store in the world after what happened. I do not want to risk getting my hopes up to have the same thing happen last winter. I’d prefer a job I know I wouldn’t be let go from.

2. A friend of mine got called in for an interview for the same job I applied to. I’m not bitter that she has a better prospect of getting a job than I do, just a little disappointed that it’s been easier for her to get a job. Her first and only job application and she was able to get an interview. I thought I was guaranteed a position since the manager is her brother’s friend. I guess friend’s with benefits only go so far.

3. My mom comes home and busts in my room while I nap to bitch about me not having a job. I hadn’t been napping long so I was in a bad mood. To further deteriorate my mood, my mom tells me it’s SOOOOO easy to get a job and continues to banter about where I should apply. No, mother. It is not easy to get a job. Unless it’s the beginning of the holiday season, you are highly unlikely to get a job. Why would I want to drive 20+ minutes for a minimum wage job that I have to apply in person. Honestly, who still uses paper applications? The only benefit of paper apps is that there isn’t the bullshit unicru questionnaire that is supposed to reassure the company you aren’t a complete psychopath.

*SIGH* About a year possibly more substance free. I have lost track of the time in between. Truly sad indeed. I want to play to my heart’s content, but the lack of a job and the prospect of having one soon keeps me from having my fun. As I am absent of a job, I must endure the knowledge and consequences of not having a job without something to ease me from this terrible reality. The world seemed much better when I had a vice other than alcohol. Perhaps my day shall come soon.

Honestly, no one can fathom how frustrated I am at the moment. I’ve been borrowing a car that gets 18 mpg for the past 6 months. All this time I’ve been looking for a new car and no one has the kindness in their heart to help me. I  really don’t give a shit if a car has a clean or salvage title. It’s a used car. How good do you expect it to be? As long as it runs, looks decent, and gets more than 18 mpg. I’ve found many cars on my own yet no one approves of the cars nor will they provide the funds to me. There is no reason to let my car fund sit around when there are perfectly functioning cars around waiting to be bought at a reasonable price. Not only do I have to drive a POS that only gets 18 mpg, I also have to share it with other people at their convenience. As it isn’t my car, I cannot refuse a request from the owner and or any person related to the owner. For the next 2 weeks I will be trapped sharing a car with someone who feels it necessary to go out everyday. Not only does this person want to share, they want me to switch off the car every night. Driving from my house to great mall. That is one long fucking distance and said person never refills the tank. I always have at least half a tank, yet it always comes back near empty. Hello, poor student here. I can’t really afford gasoline when I should be spending that money toward my own car.

I hate it when people say “no offense” followed by something mildly offensive. If you’re gonna say something that you know will piss someone off even the slightest, then don’t say it at all. Or at least say it with the intention of obviously offending. Just saying “no offense” just makes it more offensive. If you’re making an offensive remark be ready for an ass kicking rebuttal or a bad reaction (the other person taking offense). Saying “no offense” won’t save you. It merely pisses someone off more. Piss people off the right way. Doing it wrong only makes the situation worse.

Grandpa just left. He went back to the homeland. It’s supposed to mean my mom will be home more often but I highly doubt that. I think she’ll cooks us no more than 3 meals a week and live off each one for a few days. Starving for a month here I come.

I often dread doing the laundry. As a young adult I am tasked with the sorting, washing, drying, and folding of my clothes. It is a rather tedious task. Some people take pleasure in such a mundane activity because it can relieve stress. I do not second that. The only good thing that comes from doing the laundry is clean underwear. Simply clean underwear. I no longer have to stare into the near empty underwear drawer and continue to dread the upcoming laundry day. I also don’t have to suffer through the usage of the less comfortable underwear at the bottom of the drawer. Finally my favorite pair of PINK brand underwear is ready to be worn. No more ghetto Hanes or period panties when I’m not even menstruating. The simple pleasures of underwear. I certainly don’t have a panty fetish. I just enjoy the comfort of good underwear. One such as I will most definitely not have uncomfortable undergarments chafing my maidenhood.

P. S. wash any newly bought underwear before using them regardless if they’re packaged or not.

At first I was mad, but after thinking about things some more, I just became sad. Sad to the point where it runs through my mind more often than I’d like. You and I used to be really good friends. I enjoyed your company, but now all I can think about is the sting of betrayal when I see your face. I had always been your friend and never judged you like others. I poked fun at the things you did, but deep down you were a good person. Were at least. You’ve forgotten about me now and the friendship we had. Your new best friend is also someone who has betrayed my trust. I always liked you more and hoped that you wouldn’t turn out like this person or do the same thing to me as they had. Alas, my hopes have failed me.

If I told you the things this person has said about you, would you still be their friend? Would you hate them? Would you hate me for revealing the truth to you? Or would you return to being my friend with open arms? Those are selfish questions I wish to ask, but I can’t help but feel the urge to ask them. I feel like this urge might overcome me one day, that in a jealous rage I’d reveal all terrible truths I’ve been hiding to protect you. I’ve played the situation in my mind many times. The questions I’d interrogate from you, the things I’d have to say about you and your new so called friend, your reactions, my reactions if you retorted.

Although these things are coursing through my mind, I won’t ruin your happiness. I’ll do something I’ve always been good at. Not being selfish. If you’re happy, I guess it will ease my pain and allow me to carry this burden. I hope one day you’ll realize that I was the better friend and that I’ve been there since the beginning. Until then, I hope you have a happy life with less of me or completely without me in it.